A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy.

The big guy says, "I want to have some sex.

You wanna be the husband or the wife?"

The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband."

The big guy says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your wife's dick."



hahahhaaha

pwned

"This book is an unholy abomination. It will make you dumber for having read it."
be ready when the shit goes down!

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

1.) The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2.) The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3.) The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4.) The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5.) The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6.) The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

war schon fast klar was kommt hahaha



As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a women."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

Fatzo, ich spiel ja gerne die Achsenmächte in vielen Ballerspielen, aber können wir nicht wieder auf Deutsche Witze umsteigen?

ja die achsenmächte rulen

Da haste ja 2 Fliegen mit einer Klappe hahaha!

sollte ich einen witzigen deutschen witz finden, werde ich ihn posten.

und überhaupt, wenn sonst keiner schreibt, brauchma auch ned anspruchsvoll sein!!111

Da hasste einen ^^

Ein alter Araber lebt seit mehr als 40 Jahren in Chicago. Er würde gerne in seinem Garten Kartoffeln pflanzen, aber er ist allein, alt und schwach. Deshalb schreibt er eine E-Mail an seinen Sohn, der in Paris studiert.
"Lieber Ahmed, ich bin sehr traurig weil ich in meinem Garten keine Kartoffeln pflanzen kann. Ich bin sicher, wenn du hier wärst, könntest Du mir helfen und den Garten umgraben. Dein Vater."
Prompt erhält der alte Mann eine E-Mail: "Lieber Vater, bitte rühre auf keinen Fall irgendetwas im Garten an. Dort habe ich nämlich 'die Sache' versteckt. Dein Sohn Ahmed."
Keine sechs Stunden später umstellen die US Army, die Marines, das FBI und die CIA das Haus des alten Mannes. Sie nehmen den Garten Scholle für Scholle auseinander, suchen jeden Millimeter ab, finden aber nichts. Enttäuscht ziehen sie wieder ab.
Am selben Tag erhält der alte Mann wieder eine E-Mail von seinem Sohn:
"Lieber Vater, ich nehme an, dass der Garten jetzt komplett umgegraben ist und du Kartoffeln pflanzen kannst. Mehr konnte ich nicht für dich tun. In Liebe, Ahmed"

I came home from the pub last night and said to the wife "Lets play rape".

She looked up and replied "No, I don't want to."

I smiled, undid my belt and said "That's the spirit!"

hahaha

vom liv der ist gut

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

Ich lieg am Boden hahahaha, den findsch jut hahahahaha

hehe der ist wirkloich gut