Q: How do you get away with raping a deaf girl?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell her mom.

Mann und Frau sitzen einander im Zugabteil gegenüber.

Man kommt ins Gespräch.

Er: ...und wie heißen Sie?

Sie: Carmen.

Er: das iss aber n schöner Name.

Sie: Eigentlich heiße ich Petra, aber den Namen mag ich nicht. Und Autos und
Männer sind die Dinge, die ich am Meisten liebe... Daher Car und Men...
Carmen. zufrieden?

Er: Aha... rotes Gesicht

Sie: Und wie heißen Sie?

Er: Bierfotze

Hahahhahaha

loool

Ein Mann auf dem Standesamt unterhält sich mit dem Standesbeamten.
"Ich möchte meinen Namen ändern lassen."
"Aha. Wie heißen Sie denn?"
"Klaus Hitler."
"Das kann ich gut verstehen dass Sie den Namen ändern möchten. Wie möchten Sie denn heißen?"
"Adolf Hitler."

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

"Viele Menschen sind Diabetiker und können trotzdem Mordopfer sein!"

HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!

Dr. G. die Gerichtsmedizinerin auf RTL hat wieder zugeschlagen!!!

Ein Mann wird von der Polizei angehalten.
Polizei: "Entschuldigung dass wir sie damit jetzt belästigen müssen, aber wir suchen einen Vergewaltiger."

Der Mann fängt an zu grübeln, überlegt und überlegt... und sagt kurz drauf:
"Ok, ich machs..."

"Oppa, was wünschst du Dir zum Geburtstag?"

"Oberschlesien"

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, “This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!�

The frightened bartender pleads, “Don’t shoot, please! I’ll do as you say!�

The robber yells, “Shut up and empty the cash register!�

The bartender says, “Okay, okay! Just don’t shoot, I have a wife and kids! I’ll do whatever you say!�

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “Alright, now give me a blowjob!�

“Anything!� cries the bartender, “Just don’t shoot!�

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells,

“Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!�

Q: Why do the Scottish wear kilts?
A: Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.

rofl

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?� he asked one man.

“We don’t have any money for food,� the poor man replied.

“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,� instructed the lawyer.

“But, sir, I have a wife and two kids with me!�

“Bring them along!� said the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, “You come with us, too.�

“But, Sir, I have a wife and six kids!� he answered.

“Bring them as well!� answered the lawyer, as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.�

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall!�

Gibts eigentlich keine deutschen Witze mehr oder warum bringt Fatzo immer Englische?

auf entensity gibts immer englische!


A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow.�

“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,� he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.

She then asked him, “How does that feel?�

To which he replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.�

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV.

Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. “Great,� said the teacher, “that's very important. �

Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. “Well, that has to do with it too,� said the teacher.

Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, “Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education.�

“Yes it does,� said Johnny, � it taught those Indians not to fuck with John Wayne.�